Into a life I never meant
It's the slow fade of love.
- rilo kiley
Monday, April 2, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Henry & June
"We have both lost ourselves, but sometimes we reveal the most when we are least like ourselves. I am not trying to think anymore. I can't think when I am with you. You are like me, wishing for a perfect moment, but nothing too long imagined can be perfect in a worldly way" (p. 24)
"He wants to destroy the 'illusion' of my great honesty. I read him what I wrote on the effect of his notes. He said I could only write like that, with imaginative intensity, because I had not lived out what I was writing about, that the living-out kills the imagination and the intensity, as happens to him" (p.54)
"He is lying in bed, body arched against my back, his arm around my breast. And in the circumference of my solitude I know I have found a moment of absolute love. His greatness fills the wounds and closes them, silences the desires. He is asleep. How I love him! I feel like a river that has overflowed" (p.126)
"He (Allendy) notes that I have chosen to put myself in the situation of the rival of a woman I know I will conquer, therefore seeking pain for myself. That I have loved men weaker than I and have suffered from this. At the same time I have extreme fear of pain, and it makes me divide my loves so that each one serves as a refuge against another. Ambivalence. I want to love a stronger man and cannot do so" (p.130)
"You can play the game now and then, to heighten passion, but profound loves are the loves which suit your true self, and they alone will satisfy you. The more you act like yourself, the nearer you come to a fulfillment of your real needs. You are still terribly afraid to be hurt, your imaginary sadism shoes that. So afraid to be hurt that you want to take the lead and hurt first" (p.174)
"To confide is to put yourself in someone else's hands and to suffer" (p.193)
"My attraction to drugs is based on an immense desire to annihilate awareness" (p.207)
"I thought he had betrayed me. He swears not. It does not matter. I hated him because I loved him as I have never loved anyone" (p.217)
"And you- why, you put things so clearly and beautifully to me - so crystal clear - it looks simple and true. You are so terribly nimble, so clever. I distrust your cleverness. You make a wonderful pattern, everything in its place, it looks convincingly clear, too clear. And meanwhile, where are you? Not on the clear surface of your ideas, but you have already sunk deeper, into darker regions, so that only one thinks one has been given all your thoughts, one only imagines you have emptied yourself in that clarity. But there are layers and layers - you're bottomless, unfathomable. Your clearness is deceptive. You're the thinker who arouses most confusion in me, most doubt, most disturbance" (p.228)
"One feels that she gives you a neat pattern and then slips out of it herself and laughs at you" (p.228)
"Every joy carries its own tragedy" (p.230)
"Last night I wept. I wept because the process by which I have become woman was painful. I wept because I was no longer a child with a child's blind faith. I wept because my eyes were opened to reality - to Henry's selfishness, June's love of power, my satiable creativity which must concern itself with others and cannot be sufficient to itself. I wept because I could not believe anymore and I love to believe. I can still love passionately without believing. That means I love humanly. I wept because from now on I will weep less. I wept because I have lost my pain and I am not yet accustomed to its absence" (p. 274)
"He wants to destroy the 'illusion' of my great honesty. I read him what I wrote on the effect of his notes. He said I could only write like that, with imaginative intensity, because I had not lived out what I was writing about, that the living-out kills the imagination and the intensity, as happens to him" (p.54)
"He is lying in bed, body arched against my back, his arm around my breast. And in the circumference of my solitude I know I have found a moment of absolute love. His greatness fills the wounds and closes them, silences the desires. He is asleep. How I love him! I feel like a river that has overflowed" (p.126)
"He (Allendy) notes that I have chosen to put myself in the situation of the rival of a woman I know I will conquer, therefore seeking pain for myself. That I have loved men weaker than I and have suffered from this. At the same time I have extreme fear of pain, and it makes me divide my loves so that each one serves as a refuge against another. Ambivalence. I want to love a stronger man and cannot do so" (p.130)
"You can play the game now and then, to heighten passion, but profound loves are the loves which suit your true self, and they alone will satisfy you. The more you act like yourself, the nearer you come to a fulfillment of your real needs. You are still terribly afraid to be hurt, your imaginary sadism shoes that. So afraid to be hurt that you want to take the lead and hurt first" (p.174)
"To confide is to put yourself in someone else's hands and to suffer" (p.193)
"My attraction to drugs is based on an immense desire to annihilate awareness" (p.207)
"I thought he had betrayed me. He swears not. It does not matter. I hated him because I loved him as I have never loved anyone" (p.217)
"And you- why, you put things so clearly and beautifully to me - so crystal clear - it looks simple and true. You are so terribly nimble, so clever. I distrust your cleverness. You make a wonderful pattern, everything in its place, it looks convincingly clear, too clear. And meanwhile, where are you? Not on the clear surface of your ideas, but you have already sunk deeper, into darker regions, so that only one thinks one has been given all your thoughts, one only imagines you have emptied yourself in that clarity. But there are layers and layers - you're bottomless, unfathomable. Your clearness is deceptive. You're the thinker who arouses most confusion in me, most doubt, most disturbance" (p.228)
"One feels that she gives you a neat pattern and then slips out of it herself and laughs at you" (p.228)
"Every joy carries its own tragedy" (p.230)
"Last night I wept. I wept because the process by which I have become woman was painful. I wept because I was no longer a child with a child's blind faith. I wept because my eyes were opened to reality - to Henry's selfishness, June's love of power, my satiable creativity which must concern itself with others and cannot be sufficient to itself. I wept because I could not believe anymore and I love to believe. I can still love passionately without believing. That means I love humanly. I wept because from now on I will weep less. I wept because I have lost my pain and I am not yet accustomed to its absence" (p. 274)
Anaïs Nin
james st. james
"If we're all going to hell in a handbasket, we might as well make it a party on the way down."
party monster
party monster
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